scales...of justice?

when i started my professional career three years ago particular emphasis was placed on my professional obligation to maintain a work and life balance. they (they being the corporate types) contended that time i spent at work should be countered with complete personal maintenance on the other end. oh, to dream. i managed, but i never really took vacations. i felt guilty when i got sick. i felt accountable to someone, i guess, or at least some idea that was bigger than my self.

failed balance was met with the ultimate counter-weight-- a layoff. unemployment is nice, but it is one nasty mother when it comes to brain atrophy and capacity for thought, multi-tasking or simply tasking, for that matter.

now that i am a grad student, i realize the true necessity of balance. in my opinion, this idea of balance, i have realized, may be the most essential element of my life, besides water and air. i guess, though, i'd forget to consume those things, too, if i didn't institute some policy of self-maintenance. i kid you not, my life would be all $5 wine from plaid pantry and the foods i made in september and froze for the days when time to cook would be redistributed to time to book (is it healthy to eat chili and lentil soup five nights a week?).

i'm having a hard time getting the hang of grad school. honestly, i don't remember how i did it during undergrad. four courses a quarter and three jobs? if i even attempted something so daring today i'm not sure i'd survive.

i guess, i write this mostly because i realize the profound need for balance in my life. i need an equal distribution of social time and school time and work time and homework time. i need to fulfill my deep-seeded need for human connection and interaction while maintaining my school work in the face of unrelenting academic rigor. right now, i simply don't have the answer. all i have is a stack of articles that need summarized, and a plan that needs analyzed. school, how i love to hate you while i love you.

and, oh, how i long for you, corporate america, with your vain insistence upon work life balance; you poor thing, you don't know the half of it.

essential ingredients

the bad thing about entering a professional graduate program is that there are a whole set of professional skills that are somehow required.  so instead of talking about how that makes me nervous i'll just point blank state that i don't know how to use auto cad (nor do i know what that is), google sketch-up, or the adobe creative suite.  i don't know how to draw exceptionally well or visually render perspective drawings of space.  but these people let me in, so they get what they get. 

however, on the upside, i do know how to make mac-and-cheese from scratch, a recipe that never fails to make me feel good about myself and my capacity to do anything.  i can make a roux, a béchamel, and delight the senses.  i also know how to politely sever my relationship with an organization where i suffered the angry meanderings of an employee to on a daily basis.  oh, and i get to hang out with some awfully wonderful people this entire weekend in what will soon be my new home.  

life, though more complex, is still very good.

Also, you should try making this: CRACK  If all else fails, this will make you feel like a genius.

we made a deal

I applied to graduate school because I have a romantic relationship with industrially desolate places.  They're just the environment to rust the edges of your own humanity and enable you to gather up the muster to do things that are really difficult.  Like attempt to learn from them in an effort to preserve and revitalize despite their failings.

I took the above photo of the gold medal flour mill on the bank of the Mississippi river from the Guthrie theater's citizen overlook in Minneapolis, Minn.   I'm sad to report, that despite everything I loved about this place, in particular the incredible architecture that proliferates throughout the city, the intersection of working-class culture and industry, the city's successful endeavor to preserve its history through the adaptive re-use of industrial space, and their successful reinvigoration of a challenging environment, Minneapolis' gross failure in keeping its city vibrant and alive makes it practically impossible for me to join the University of Minnesota's urban planning program with good conscience.  

With so many of their graduates working with the cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, I have a hard time understanding how they can argue that street-level commercial space is unnecessary, that infrastructure investment for wider sidewalks is inappropriate, or that suburban separation of businesses districts is acceptable.  I mean, if the goal is a world class city isn't the first step getting people to actually want to spend time in the city?!  It was enraging.  People don't walk in Minneapolis.  They drive.  Every where.  And more disappointing is that not one neighborhood managed to capture my imagination.  With the exception of the recently revitalized wearhouse district, there was absolutely nothing visually interesting about the urban environment and that was more depressing than the allegedly depressing and desolate industrial surroundings.

After a brief return to Seattle, I spent two days in Portland.  Immediately after stepping into the central business district I witnessed people using public transit and walking.  God forbid!!  

Portland is not as visually interesting as even Seattle, and has much to be desired in the way of architecture, but they have green space, public space, public transit, navigable neighborhoods and a planning department that is obviously focused on putting the public in space.  For these reasons Portland is the kind of city I want to live in, and the place where I want to learn.

Portland State's planning program offers specializations in sustainability, community and economic development, and transportation.  I will spend 50% of my time practically applying the theories of urban planning in the field.  I will work directly with the community in bettering the urban environment. 

Sure, leaving Seattle is a hard decision, but I'm already well suited for things of this nature, I've got that rusty grit of industry under my nails, and I've made changes like this before.  Sometimes parting is for the best, it allows a girl to test her mettle.  I mean, Seattle is the type of city that spoils a person.  I spend so much time here that when I'm away for a little while I truly come to realize how wonderful it is here.  Sure, it has it's faults (transportation among the most significant), but it is also cleaner, brighter, easier to navigate, visually interesting, and more beautiful than most places.  Living in Portland and learning in a city that succeeds where Seattle fails will only enhance the fervor with which I will return.  

At that point I'll re-assess my love affair and romanticism with industrial cities, and maybe Seattle will have finished it's light rail.  

seeing and saying

Ever since the moment docwong opened her mouth in my Housing Design and Sustainable Community class in January 2004 I knew I wanted to be an urban planner.   At no other point in my undergraduate studies was classroom material clearly in line with my personal interests and concerns.  Obviously, I wanted to be involved in the public sector, I just didn't know how.  In that moment, I realized that how and where a city builds its buildings and housing, juxtaposing them with environment and society, affects commerce, economy, education and a number of other political factors.  In January I finally applied to graduate school.  A lot of factors went into my decision to apply this year.  Certainly, if I did not apply this year, it would happen at some inevitable point in the future, but the cosmos aligned.  I was/am out of work, I knew I wanted to return to school and realign my personal and professional priorities, and due to a newly regained sense of confidence I was mentally prepared to undertake the process.  

I applied to six graduate programs.  Five Urban Planning programs received my application materials and one Public Administration program.   It was arduous; I'm relieved to be done applying, but now I'm partaking in the hard part-- waiting for decisions.  I am suffering on the metaphorical bench; I cannot wait to get in the game.  

What do I do to populate the time?  Well, to be honest, I deal with my favorite bureaucratic department, that which operates to serve the unemployed: UI.  Part of their job is to monitor my weekly progress and ensure that I've applied for 3 jobs.  Yes, I know three isn't that many jobs to apply for, but with approximately 6 Washington counties suffering unemployment rates in the double digits, and a statewide unemployment rate hovering around 7%, finding three jobs I'm qualified for is incredibly difficult.  I've applied to be a medical coder, a neighborhood watch person, a parking attendant, and more than 50 other positions I might like to do.  So I wait around to hear back from these positions.  And, mostly, I don't.  

So I've taken to enjoying a lot of coffee, walks, novels, perfecting recipes for crackers (rosemary, pepper, cheddar, water, etc.), knitting, running, ellipticaling, and reacquainting myself with reality television.  Am I miserable?  Not at all, I'm actually quite happy.  For now, I deem opening my mail box torment, consider job listings a necessary evil, and view my day to day an excellent opportunity to relish my surroundings.  I'm making the things I love a part of my every day life, and I love it.  I am documenting it here: weseeweare.wordpress.com.  

jobs i don't have, educations i didn't get

hello.

note: i am unemployed.  tack it on to the list of monumental changes that occurred this year.  

note: i am no longer in finance.  

note: i took the GRE.   When this test is taken, there is a box the test taker elects to check that then sends the test taker's scores to a bank from which graduate programs can recruit the adept.  

note: i want to study public policy.  

here is a list of programs that have recruited me thus far:

I-schools (read: libraries)

Business Schools (moving away from these at a perpetually increasing rate)

Masters in Teaching schools (pretty much hate kids)

Art programs (could be fun, but thus far my only artistic talent is lattice pie crust)

from this i have gathered that my scores are not so much appealing to policy programs, and therefore have decided will use my rather advanced analytical writing skills to persuade them that the GRE is a miserable measure of potential, and imply that because i am inept at math I am that much better at other things. 

like being annoyed and irritated that i have all sorts of time to think about this now.  come on, obviously, i would make an excellent bureaucrat.

personal history you say?

I have to write my personal history for my application to the University of Washington.
God, I'm stumped. What is my personal history? When it really comes down to answering this question in a way that is not only meaningful but representative of who you are it is pretty freaking daunting. There are so many aspects of my life that have shaped the person I am today. My best friends, my sister and brother, my parents and grandparents, the people I never befriended. The interactions with each of them has no doubt shaped the person I am at this juncture in my life. In many ways I think my statement should be intergenerational; I would love to discuss the influence of my great grandparents on their children and on their children's children and on to me. I mean, my values are derived from these people's personal experiences, but is their history my own? Somewhat, but not really. And if I talk about my friends and our relationships am I saying something personal? Not really. This gets back to the crux of my problem, how well do I know myself? The thing is, it is all connected and these histories matter.

So, where to begin?

my future rests on a question like this

A shirt is sold at $150 for a 25% profit.  What is the whole sale cost of the shirt?

Obviously, I don't care, who pays $150 for a shirt?  

Things I'm good at

Approximately, seven minutes ago I ruined hard boiled eggs.  Before I go on a rant about my deficiencies in egg preparation, I will simply place blame my mother who hates eggs in every form and my sister who is allergic.  For me, eggs are fine, I neither love them nor hate them, but despite this, I'll tell you, when I fuck up a hard boiled egg or the yolk of the fried variety it really burns my ass.  Thanks, Ellen. 

On the upside, I have lots of skills that are wholly unrelated to eggs.  For instance, I am very good at spelling, and painting pottery, and making conversation, and finding interesting things on the Internet.  The latter contributes mostly to my current hobby, and potentially my greatest strength, not studying for the GRE, which is the topic of discussion today.  

Plain and simple, there are a lot of things I love.  Most, I love learning new things.  Tell me about something I've never heard of before and I will gladly sit in as your captive audience for as long as you like to go on about the said subject.  And after I'm done I'll do no end of research on the subject if I end up particularly engaged.  This why I think I'm an excellent candidate for graduate studies.  There is so much I want to have the opportunity to learn about, and the exciting and frustrating part is making the decision of exactly what discipline is the best match for my curiosity. 

The focus of the research I will eventually undertake as a graduate student will revolve around geographic and economic factors affecting populations in post-industrial American cities.   Think the decline and fall of rubber companies in Akron, Ohio and its affect on housing prices, or white flight and suburban dispersal in inner-city Detroit and its affect on the economic base, or consider the economic influence of stagnant community growth within single industry economies.  These are things I'm interested in understanding, and I find this research valuable as SO many American cities succumb to patterns such as these as a result of globalization and industrial decline in the United States.  

So, the question is, what program is the best fit for me?  Should I study Urban Geography and critically study the economic and social impact of economic decline on single industry communities, or should I study urban planning and master a tool kit to build better cities, or should I study public administration and compare and contrast methods for allocation resources to populations in post-industrial cities (person vs. place based tax distribution) to  develop a more efficient and effective economic foundation?  

Obviously, there is a place for me within all of these disciplines.  Right now it seems the only clear decision I've made is that there are three excellent choices with no clear stand-out.  Sure, it would be awesome to think critically and investigate geographies, but it would also be excellent to be a policy genius.  Clearly, I don't know how to go about making the decision; I don't know what to do.  

Except, maybe, pretend I'm really good at boiling eggs.

additionally

i am pissed at john edwards. 

i have a crush on michael phelps.

i spent the whole weekend watching movies. 

i also figured out my apartment's decor. 

got some snazzy new red flats

and i love truffles (the fungus, not the chocolate).  

glad i got that off my chest.  

also, taking the gre october...5th.  

still hate math.  

25 things to do before i turn twenty-five

i am making this list because i operate best with direction. i'm almost 25, there are a lot of things i want to do before then, not because i have to, but because i want to. i've got the resources so why not. so, therefore, i present, a list, of 25 things i want to do before i turn twenty-five.

1. apply to grad-school

2. live on my own

3. take a photography class

4. go to the pacific north west coast (oregon, or washington)

5. visit a new state

6. participate in a collective project or exchange

7. run a 5-k

8. visit another country

9. attend one cultural community event a month

10. buy a new computer

11. take one photo a day

12. perfect the skill of roasting chicken

13. teach myself to bind books

14. spend one day every two weeks entirely alone

15. say yes to the things i am interested in; say no to things I don't want to do

16. purchase produce at all of Seattle's farmers markets and make a dish from those ingredients

17. prepare, at least, four recipes from my gastronomic publications per month

18. go on a road trip without a specific destination

19. develop a green thumb by growing an amaryllis

20. write a letter to every person I admire letting them know why

21. draw a map of my favorite places in Seattle

22. amend my outlook; say one good thing about myself/my surroundings every day

23. conquer my fear of open water, start by swimming in lake Washington

24. improve my written communication

25. Vote.

i'll take toxic holes for $100, alex

you know, it is weird growing up with a toxic pit (basically) in your back yard. less than a mile away from my parent's front door is the berkley pit (as seen above). at more than a mile wide by a mile wide by a mile deep you get an idea of this problem's scale.

so, um, how do i apply to grad school and make it clear that environmental degradation isn't just a theoretical concept, but something that really affects people and communities? i wish i knew a creative way to express why i want to be a professional with the tools to honor the legacy of america's industrial history and the means to begin the process of mitigating the damage industry has caused to cities and towns, making life better for the people living there.

i'm getting constructive about how i'm going to approach this problem. i'm excited to write about this topic. from a personal standpoint, i have my story to offer. i have a lifetime of references to growing up in a community susceptible to the challenges of boom-bust industrial economies, the bi-yearly cancer scares among my peers, the annual lead testing for children exposed to (simply) dirt, etc. and from a political standpoint, i can explain how good policy has helped to revitalize dying communities, pay for environmental clean-up, create new and interesting jobs, and i can best attempt to explain how best practices can enable economic and community development in the future. oh, dear, so much work. such good work, though.