seeing and saying

Ever since the moment docwong opened her mouth in my Housing Design and Sustainable Community class in January 2004 I knew I wanted to be an urban planner.   At no other point in my undergraduate studies was classroom material clearly in line with my personal interests and concerns.  Obviously, I wanted to be involved in the public sector, I just didn't know how.  In that moment, I realized that how and where a city builds its buildings and housing, juxtaposing them with environment and society, affects commerce, economy, education and a number of other political factors.  In January I finally applied to graduate school.  A lot of factors went into my decision to apply this year.  Certainly, if I did not apply this year, it would happen at some inevitable point in the future, but the cosmos aligned.  I was/am out of work, I knew I wanted to return to school and realign my personal and professional priorities, and due to a newly regained sense of confidence I was mentally prepared to undertake the process.  

I applied to six graduate programs.  Five Urban Planning programs received my application materials and one Public Administration program.   It was arduous; I'm relieved to be done applying, but now I'm partaking in the hard part-- waiting for decisions.  I am suffering on the metaphorical bench; I cannot wait to get in the game.  

What do I do to populate the time?  Well, to be honest, I deal with my favorite bureaucratic department, that which operates to serve the unemployed: UI.  Part of their job is to monitor my weekly progress and ensure that I've applied for 3 jobs.  Yes, I know three isn't that many jobs to apply for, but with approximately 6 Washington counties suffering unemployment rates in the double digits, and a statewide unemployment rate hovering around 7%, finding three jobs I'm qualified for is incredibly difficult.  I've applied to be a medical coder, a neighborhood watch person, a parking attendant, and more than 50 other positions I might like to do.  So I wait around to hear back from these positions.  And, mostly, I don't.  

So I've taken to enjoying a lot of coffee, walks, novels, perfecting recipes for crackers (rosemary, pepper, cheddar, water, etc.), knitting, running, ellipticaling, and reacquainting myself with reality television.  Am I miserable?  Not at all, I'm actually quite happy.  For now, I deem opening my mail box torment, consider job listings a necessary evil, and view my day to day an excellent opportunity to relish my surroundings.  I'm making the things I love a part of my every day life, and I love it.  I am documenting it here: weseeweare.wordpress.com.  

Things I'm good at

Approximately, seven minutes ago I ruined hard boiled eggs.  Before I go on a rant about my deficiencies in egg preparation, I will simply place blame my mother who hates eggs in every form and my sister who is allergic.  For me, eggs are fine, I neither love them nor hate them, but despite this, I'll tell you, when I fuck up a hard boiled egg or the yolk of the fried variety it really burns my ass.  Thanks, Ellen. 

On the upside, I have lots of skills that are wholly unrelated to eggs.  For instance, I am very good at spelling, and painting pottery, and making conversation, and finding interesting things on the Internet.  The latter contributes mostly to my current hobby, and potentially my greatest strength, not studying for the GRE, which is the topic of discussion today.  

Plain and simple, there are a lot of things I love.  Most, I love learning new things.  Tell me about something I've never heard of before and I will gladly sit in as your captive audience for as long as you like to go on about the said subject.  And after I'm done I'll do no end of research on the subject if I end up particularly engaged.  This why I think I'm an excellent candidate for graduate studies.  There is so much I want to have the opportunity to learn about, and the exciting and frustrating part is making the decision of exactly what discipline is the best match for my curiosity. 

The focus of the research I will eventually undertake as a graduate student will revolve around geographic and economic factors affecting populations in post-industrial American cities.   Think the decline and fall of rubber companies in Akron, Ohio and its affect on housing prices, or white flight and suburban dispersal in inner-city Detroit and its affect on the economic base, or consider the economic influence of stagnant community growth within single industry economies.  These are things I'm interested in understanding, and I find this research valuable as SO many American cities succumb to patterns such as these as a result of globalization and industrial decline in the United States.  

So, the question is, what program is the best fit for me?  Should I study Urban Geography and critically study the economic and social impact of economic decline on single industry communities, or should I study urban planning and master a tool kit to build better cities, or should I study public administration and compare and contrast methods for allocation resources to populations in post-industrial cities (person vs. place based tax distribution) to  develop a more efficient and effective economic foundation?  

Obviously, there is a place for me within all of these disciplines.  Right now it seems the only clear decision I've made is that there are three excellent choices with no clear stand-out.  Sure, it would be awesome to think critically and investigate geographies, but it would also be excellent to be a policy genius.  Clearly, I don't know how to go about making the decision; I don't know what to do.  

Except, maybe, pretend I'm really good at boiling eggs.

if this were pinball

Honest to god, I feel personally jilted by the American financial system and the longstanding policy of deregulation that has led us to this place, the place we find ourselves today.   It goes something like this:

Prey upon the poor and lend money to them because they have poor credit! and limited financial capacity! and need money! and then you can eventually raise their interest rates a 100% after four years! and you'll make out like a fat cat! 

except when those people with poor credit and limited financial skills can't make the payments with the increased interest rates, and since you already cut their loan up and sold it to the i-bank down the street for a hefty profit, it isn't the credit union calling for money, or even the state, it's the i-bank that bought it and obviously can only take the house, because it has some value.  but there is still a loss.

then just when the creditor can't pay (i.e. middle class Americans), demand capital and put unknown pressure on the financial system!  and leave hundreds of thousands of Americans without homes!  

Don't fret, those companies can just write their debt down.  No worries!

But then come September.  Recall January when there were 5 i-banks that existed, now down two a paltry September set.  And somewhere in the neighborhood of, oh, i don't know, 150,000 American jobs shit canned.  

And there you go, the short version of why America is what America is today.  Why McCain thinks the fundamentals of our Economy is strong.  And why I feel jilted.

It amazes me that the men and women who exploited so many poor Americans all of a sudden know what it's like to be on the short end of their trade. 

And the sad thing is, while I want not to feel bad for them, I can't, because I sympathize with all of them, and every other American who is also affected by the financial tumult we experienced today.  Because today something big happened, and it is going to grow even bigger over the next several months.  

You know what, this is the fierce urgency of now.  And it is about politics and policy, about rich and poor, and the ability to call ourselves Americans.  Americans who stand on foundations of our making and not the foundations of foreign making, because a foreign bailout leaves the greatest country in the world as insolvent as its banks.  

And that's scarier than I know how to imagine right now.