a broken heart in a vacant lot

Lately I've been slightly more hesitant to venture out of my house to walk around my neighborhood. The recent capitol hill slaying and the university district attack have me on absolute edge. Unfortunately for me, and for a lot of women in my neighborhood, there is an unfortunate aura of fear blanketing the neighborhood and with it an assumed pressure to approach our environment with increased trepidation. Yes, violence often flourishes in cities, but something about these incidents seems uncommon for a city like Seattle and I refuse to accept the circumstances of urban life as an explanation for these events. These incidents seem different—senseless and unusual. It is rare to read stories about women like myself—college educated women, social workers—being stabbed to death or beaten with a hammer until unrecognizable. And what disturbs me is that there has yet to be an arrest in either case and there is an uncomfortable absence of updates in the local media. I'm sick of waiting around for an explanation and I'm sick of waiting around to feel safe.

As a person of the city, I it is my very strong opinion that I should not be afraid to walk to my local grocer after six o'clock at night, I should not have to feel obligated to assess my surroundings when simply walking around the corner for a cup of coffee, up the hill to my friend's apartment, or even when taking the bus to another neighborhood; simply being aware should be enough. And, as a woman, it is the age old challenge of my entitlement to that security that rushes to the forefront of my mind. My life is my own and I should not feel as though it is some commodity that can be bought or sold, it is not something anyone other than me is entitled to. I have a right to my security and safety and I have a right to expect that to be respected. And, furthermore, as a woman, I should not have to fear the person walking down the street behind me; I should not have to feel like a target in my own environment.

Safety will come with empowerment and until the ownership and dominion people have over their bodies is respected fear will permeate and there will be no resolution to the problem that is violence. The only thing I can do for myself is continue to navigate my environment with awareness. I mean, this city is my home, too, god damn it and I refuse to be afraid of it.